People often come to me and say things like:

“I feel like I’m a pretty good leader, but there’s still something missing,” or, “I’d love to have more influence over my team as a leader, but I’m not sure how.”
My response—typically eliciting a crazy look— is,

“Who are you not?”

I then ask my clients to think of a person they admire— someone who makes them think, “I wish that were me, but I just don’t have those qualities.”

It’s true; we can’t be the people we admire—we’ve got to be ourselves and leverage our own natural gifts and talents.

However, one of the most effective ways to see the next evolution for yourself and your business is to watch the people you admire, and notice what it is about them that moves you. Chances are, whatever it is you admire about their greatness also exists within you.

This is very much in line with Carl Jung’s theory of the “golden shadow”—the idea that we possess untapped potential inside us, and one of the best ways to recognize our hidden gifts is through our perception of others.

Likewise, there are things that annoy and frustrate us about other people, and those are likely things that we actually don’t like about ourselves (this is more of the dark side of our shadow which, for purposes of this article, we won’t get into).

While the positive qualities we see in others may only be a seed within us, if we can recognize it as potential, then we can begin to nurture, develop, and grow it.

There are five key ways to become a better leader by figuring out “who you’re not”:

Build your desire to grow

Often I bump into leaders who want to be different, but they don’t want to grow. This is obviously a contradiction, and one that can’t be avoided. If you’re cruising along, and have no pressing issues, chances are you’re not ready to stretch. Build your desire to grow, and your willingness to take on change will come naturally.

Make a decision

Once you’ve built the desire, it’s now time to make a decision. Acknowledge to yourself that it’s time to break out of the mold you’ve been living in. Your team and business (not to mention your personal life) come with challenges that can be tackled more effectively if you’re able to embody new strengths and skills. Admit to yourself that now is the time.

Choose someone you admire

There is someone in your life that possesses qualities you really admire. There is something about their persona that really resonates with you. It could be a close friend, a business leader, or even a celebrity you’ve been admiring from afar. They have something you want, and it’s your time to access those qualities within yourself.

Distinguish the characteristics

Start to distinguish the characteristics that you admire about that person. Everyone has a set of characteristics. Yes, some people are born with a natural ability in areas that aren’t second nature to you, but this is the point—it’s your time to build these characteristics. Maybe it’s charisma. Maybe it’s balance. Maybe it’s being a great influencer. Separate the trait from the person, and acknowledge it as a facet you want to build in your life.

Set your plan

Once you’ve separated out the qualities that you admire in another, now it’s time to create a plan to help you build those strengths for yourself. This takes time, attention, and of course, growth—but once you make the shift, it will provide long-lasting and powerful results for you and your business.

Take these tips and use them, and then drop me a line– I’d love to hear about where you think it’s time to become “who you’re not.”